Charlie in Me

Hi stranger.

I just finished the book The Perks Of Being a Wallflower by stephen chbosky . I think you heard of that book or probably you read it yourself. But I'm not here to tell you what the book is all about. I'm actually here to share what goes into my mind or heart as I read what's on Charlie's mind. He's the main character of the book by the way.

I think that I and Charlie have some similarities. Not that we share the same story, but that I can relate to some of the emotions that he felt and the things that he thought, especially when he's over thinking. I tend to do that, and when I do over think, things got worse and then I'll feel sad. I don't know if you can really understand this. But I'm sharing it to you anyways.

It actually took me a lot longer to finish that book. First is because Charlie confuses me sometimes that I just put the book down, and think of my own life rather than his. Second is I've been busy with my studies. I really don't put that much focus on my studies but then I don't know what happened this year that made it all different. Maybe the shifting to a different course and the people made it all different. I don't know.

The book also put me into that nostalgic place. And I can't help but feel sad. Coz as I look back to what I've done into my life, I found nothing worth writing. Nothing worth sharing. Ordinary. And reading the book makes me feel that I just don't want to be ordinary. I want my future children to hear stories from me. And I want them to be proud of who I was before I have them. I actually want to be a writer. And from this moment on, I'll do everything to be that. To be able to write a story that my children would read in the future and feel proud that their mom wrote that book for them to be proud of.

Charlie have this lady that he loved, her name is Sam. And every time I read about them I remember the guy, who's been my friend for a long time, whom I confessed my love with. I remember that night that I confessed to him.

I just got home from school and was very tired. As I lay myself to sleep listening to the radio, I heard of a very touching story and it made me realize one thing. Tell those people you love that you love them before it's too late. I know you've heard it before. I've heard it before too. But the difference is that, this time I did something that night. I went out of my room and hugged and told my father that I love him and actually cried in front of him, which is a first. We, me and my father, shared the most awkward hug. And after that I texted this guy that I've known for like forever and I told him that I love him. And that I've been in love with him for a long time now. He didn't respond or anything. He actually stopped texting me or messaging me on facebook or calling me or telling that he misses me and he loves me. Just like that. And every time I read about Charlie's love to Sam, I feel sad for him and me. Because we both know that we can't have them. And it's sad because Charlie didn't get Sam at the end of the book. And I think that I'll have the same ending as his. But I still hope that we don't have the same ending. I really hope not. And I miss the guy.

Family. It's one thing that Charlie talked about mostly. There's this one part of the book where he's confused whether or not it's better to be close with your children or make sure that they have a better life than you do. Then I remember asking almost the same question. Both my parents are working abroad. And every time there's a scene in the book where Charlie talks about his parents, I thought of mine, and how I miss them. And how I promise myself that after college, when I'm the one working for them, I'll make sure that they'll enjoy their lives with me and my two brothers with them. And I'll make sure that in the future when I have kids on my own, I won't leave them. I'll stay by their side 'coz I know how sad it is to be in a house with no parents.

And as I'm reading everything that I've written up there, I realized that I'm thinking about the future, and how I want things to be. And what am I suppose to do to make all of it happen. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know If I'm wasting my now by thinking about my future, or if I'll be using my dream of the future to make my now more productive. I think I'll have to do the latter.

I want to share to you a lot more things. Tell you a lot more thoughts that come into my head while I'm reading the book. But then I thought you might want to think of your life rather than read mine. And then do something about it. Or reflect about it just like what I did. And just in case you haven't read the book, I prefer you read it yourself rather than hear it from some stranger. And feel the feelings that you'll feel once you read it. I want you to experience the book and feel infinite.

So I'll end this by sharing some of the lines that are in the book that caught my attention.

"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve." - Bill (Charlie's Advance English teacher)

"There are other people who have it a lot worse." ­-Charlie's Dad

"But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody." -Charlie

"Even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them." -Charlie

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." -Charlie

P.S.

I would like to thank Karen *my new friend* for sharing me the book. I'll give it back to you tomorrow. ^____________^ ♥