Love through Pain

Hi stranger.

I'm feeling kind of weird today.

I'm thinking about love.

And it's weird because I don't want to think about love. 

But I still think about it.

Maybe it's because of what happened this morning while I'm preparing for school.

I can't help but overhear our neighbors fighting. If I heard it right, my neighbors’ husband cheated on her.

I don't mean to gossip so I'm not telling you about the details. What I'm telling you are the thoughts that comes into my head while I'm hearing her shouting and crying and throwing things to her husband.

I wonder why does love to be that painful? Why does one have to cry if love as what other say is beautiful? And I wonder if I'll ever experience to cry that loud and let my neighbors hear me??

Sighs.

The weirdest part of it all is that... I want to experience that kind of pain. I want to feel her pain.

There's this part of me that's craving for the pain that love has to give. I'm not saying that I've never been in love.

I love my friends.

I love my family.

and I loved a guy before.

And all of them have hurt me and made me feel a certain kind of pain.

But my neighbors love for her husband is just so extreme that she's hurting that much because of what he did. She keeps on saying... "Why did you do this to me?? Why??"

So dramatic right??

I envy her. I want to love someone that much. I want to experience how love eats your heart and consumes every part of you. Then all of a sudden it leaves you weak and defenseless and all there's left to do is cry. Cry out loud that your neighbors will hear you and write your story on their blog.

I told you I don't like gossiping about this. But what can I do. Her cries bothers me... it bugs my heart.

Now I feel that I want to give someone my heart and let him breaks it. I'm thinking that if I get hurt and I cry... then I can say that I loved. I loved so much that it hurts so much.

See. Love and Hurt are two very different emotions. But you wouldn't know the value of the other without the other.

Now I think the best way to define love is through pain.

And i'll experience it.. I know I will... someday.