I'm SLAMMED

12:50 a.m.

SLAMMED

I’m just half-way through this book. And as I read the chapters, my mind starts to wander.

I wonder if what I would do if my mother told me she has cancer.

Then I remember she had this nonmalignant tumor when I was in second grade.

That’s when I start to wonder on what had happened back then.

What had happened when my mother found out she has that thing in her?

Who she told first?

And what my father’s reaction is?

Did she cry?

Did she get scared?

What did my father told her then?

Did he cry?

Did they cry or get scared together?

Though it’s not malignant, she still has to go through an operation to remove the tumor.

I can’t remember anything that happened that phase of her life.

I can’t remember being there for her.

But I do remember I cried when I was just 8 years old in our class. And it’s one of my friends back then that 

explained to my teacher what was going on.

I cried when she got out of the hospital and I wanted to badly sleep next to her but my father told me I can’t ‘coz she have wounds on her belly.

I buried my face to my pillow and cried and cried and cried…

I cried until my breathing gets restricted.

I cried until my sobs turn into a desperate act for air.

I cried until I was at the hospital and being checked by a doctor.

They told my lola I’m having an emotional meltdown.

I was 8 years old then…
I don’t understand things but I feel them…

Now I’m 20.
And no, I can’t imagine if one of my parents told me they’re dying.